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Articles and Posts

02
Jul

By: Shodo

Comments: 0

Journal, -  Jul 02, 2018

The Realization

Suddenly I noticed that for most of my life, my attention was on me. On who I was, on being good, on being great – on supporting an idea I had of who I was. Sometimes this would be about being good enough, acceptable. Or about resentment and anger at those who didn’t recognize my greatness – my wisdom, my courage, my commitment.

It’s hard to remember just how miserable I was in those days. It seemed normal to me then, and this seems normal to me now. It was a flash of memory, of myself in a certain situation – and then in another – recalling that mind, focused on myself and not on those I was supposedly there to help – that brought this now.

It comes back occasionally, mostly in the form of resentment again, when others are recognized and I am not. This is my weak point now. Mostly it’s hidden from others. Seeing it, I can now address it. Gratitude for this glimpse.

And chanting, today, feels like turning the wheels of the universe, my contribution to the activity of life. It’s real.

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Mountains and Waters Alliance

The Alliance reaches out to the public through teaching, writing, and retreats, offering this vision of the human role in the community of life, grounded in the tangible reality of holding and caring for the shared land.

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